When you make new things (like a service, tool, or app), there comes a time when you have to ask someone what they think! If you’re like most people, asking strangers is a bit awkward, but the thought of finding out that one piece of information that makes everything work out right makes it worth it. So the good news is that customer discovery does not need to be like going out into the jungle with a megaphone trying to find a wild animal. It can be done in a kind way, with a lot of thought behind it. You’ll see below that there are several ways to do this that won’t make anyone roll their eyes. And there are a number of examples that founders have posted on different forums explaining how they got down to the nitty-gritty of their discovery processes.
1) Start With Where People Already Talk
Sounds obvious, but you’d be surprised how many founders dive into cold emails without even exploring the places their audience already hangs out online.
According to a founder on Reddit, the strategy to find the right customers is to use LinkedIn for identifying potential candidates, attend webinars related to their industry and then use a more careful and softer approach when reaching out, not just sending messages to random people in their inboxes.
Another example comes from Indie Hackers, where a SaaS founder explained they spent weeks reading comment threads before speaking to anyone. They noticed recurring phrases people used to describe their problems and mirrored that language later during interviews. Response rates jumped because people felt understood from the first message.
2) Take Observational Research Seriously
There’s gold in comments sections, not just where people tell you what they want, but how they talk about what they already use.
A relatively recent conversation in a Facebook group for founders (you might not see the whole thread unless you’re inside the group) pointed out the value of reading user reviews and complaints of similar products, because it’s often raw, unfiltered feedback that reveals where the real friction is.
A similar tactic popped up on Hacker News, where a founder described copying hundreds of customer complaints into a spreadsheet and tagging them by emotion: confusion, anger, disappointment. That emotional layer helped them prioritise what to fix first.
3) Ask, But Be Human About It
Many people have a poor impression of cold emailing because of all the horrible cold emails being sent every single day. However, an introduction that is respectful and helpful is not the same as sending out random spam to get people’s attention.
On one Reddit thread, several founders admitted they struggled to get responses until they dropped the polished tone. One shared that saying, “I’m still figuring this out and would value your honest take”, worked far better than positioning themselves as an expert.
Being human often means admitting uncertainty. People don’t mind helping; they mind being sold under the disguise of curiosity.
4) Structure Helps You Stay Respectful
You can absolutely ask for time without being annoying if you show you’ve done your homework.
Industry experts often say to map out solid questions ahead of time, and make the conversation worth their while, not just an excuse to read out your founder spiel.
One founder mentioned that he always sent questions ahead of time. It reduced anxiety and showed respect; people knew what they were walking into and didn’t feel ambushed.
That extra effort transforms your ask from “tell me your problems” into “tell me what matters most to you”.
5) Make It Easy for People to Say Yes or No
This is subtle, but important: the way you phrase the ask can make the difference between an annoyed decline and an open conversation.
One elegant tactic recommended across startup circles (even outside Reddit) is offering a time-boxed, low-pressure chat with a clear purpose (“I’m exploring whether X is a real pain for people like you – 15 minutes, here’s a calendar link”). A structured approach like this gives folks agency, and they are nodding along before they even click the link.
Lessons From Founders
To give this some texture, here are four real perspectives shared by people in forums:
- On Indie Hackers, a founder admitted they ignored early feedback because it conflicted with their vision. Months later, they realised users were right and rebuilding cost them far more than listening would have.
- A Hacker News commenter pointed out that founders often ask leading questions without realising it. When every question subtly pushes toward validation, answers become unreliable.
- One recurring lesson comes from Indie Hackers, where founders discuss how customer discovery isn’t about talking to dozens of people as fast as possible, but about spotting patterns across a small number of thoughtful conversations. Because they started noticing repeated language, shared frustrations, and the same workarounds coming up again and again.
- One founder on Reddit said customer discovery only worked once they stopped defending their idea in real time. Silence, they learned, invites truth. Real insights surface when you stop correcting people, stop pitching, and let the silence sit long enough for them to finish their thought.
Let’s keep it real. People respond positively to the respect you give them for their time and the sincere interest you show in understanding their experiences. Customer discovery is not about selling someone something; it’s about them showing you a glimpse into their world for a few minutes, so the way you approach this conversation should feel casual and comfortable and not like a sales pitch or an interview.
The reward for this type of customer engagement is that you uncover trends, find out what customers’ biggest frustrations are and what the opportunities for growth are that you would have never learned if you solely relied on brainstorming sessions to generate ideas. Be fearless; embrace your discomfort and continue to be curious.
